www.osmelrus.com
Considero-me uma pessoa normal, mais que normal até: Anormal. Gosto de me divertir! E sou levado da breca, pois sou! Gosto de beber gasosas, e em dias de grande maluqueira sou capaz de beber um Panachet. Gosto de miúdas, de passear de mão dada, e fazer festinhas no cabelo; quando as coisas forem mais sérias, (geralmente passado uns 7/8 meses) talvez até partilhar um sorvete. Espero que me perdoem a ousadia.
Não sou dado a certas modernices, já ouvi dizer que há pessoas que gostam de praticar o acto proibido, sem ser por motivos de procriação. Comigo não contem! Como dizia o meu avozinho “Gostar do sexo oposto, não implica gostar de tê-lo posto no sexo.”
Claro que as coisas têm que evoluir, obviamente já não se pode namorar á janela ou varanda, fora os problemas cervicais que provocava, as barreiras arquitectónicas não o permitem, hoje em dia os prédios têm muitos apartamentos.
"Só vou ao funeral das pessoas que forem ao meu."
"Escrevam qualquer coisa, nem que seja apenas uma nota de suicidio."
Ja repararam que o alfabeto esta ordenado alfabeticamente.
A velocidade da luz é superior a velocidade do som, por isso é que ha pessoas que parecem inteligentes ate ao momento em que abrem a boca para falar"
"As Calorias são pequenos animais que vivem nos roupeiros e que durante a noite apertam a roupa das pessoas."
"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet."
"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."
"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."
"I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers."
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats."
"It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"
"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."
"I failed to make the chess team because of my height."
"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic."
"Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions."
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying."
"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
Groucho Marx.
"If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research."
"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."
Robert Benchley.
"The covers of this book are too far apart."
Ambrose Bierce.
"Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp-posts."
Jeffrey Robinson.
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Mark.
"The difference between fiction and reality is that fiction has to make sense."
Tom Clancy.
"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days."
Garrison Keilor
"I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind."
Patrick Dennis.
"In Australia, not reading poetry is the national pastime."
Phyllis McGinley.
"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
Terry Pratchett.
"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."
George Burns.
"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
George Gobal.
"I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth--even if it costs him his job."
Samuel Goldwyn.
"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
Woody Allen.
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself."
Peter O'Toole.
"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on"
Samuel Goldwyn.
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the same stuff?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Parabens estas quase a chegar ao fim... :-) :-)
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: 
, começo a abrandar, está calor, nada melhor que uma loirinha fresquinha, penso eu, sai-o do carro e digo ao senhor: 
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