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mourning...mourning...mourning..mourning...mourning...and I´m still trying to define what am I mourning... Which grave am I grieving at? Actually...I am mourning my happiness, my freedom from all these torment thoughts...I want my happiness and feeling of freedom back , I want good feelings , good thoughts back !!!! and this time for good!!!!!I don´t have them for long periods of time for so long ...that I don´t remember how is it like or even if I have ever had those wonderfull feelings in me...I am so , so thristy and the cristal glass of water is so distant...so out of reach, but so near at the same time...I am starting to question myself if happiness is nothing but a mirage of an oasis in a dried desert...
Happiness... the next time you enter my heart, make sure that you come for good, and this time to stay with me forever and ever ! for all eternity... Don´t you dare to leave me once again ! Don´t you make me cry for your death , and grieve on your grave again! I am so tired of seing you die everytime you come to life ...You have died a thousand times... and for a thousand times I grieved for you... for a thousand times I dared to believe in your return... and for a thousand times ...you have died... If you re-birth again, make sure that this time you come to stay with me now and for all eternity.If there will be thousand and one births don´t make me go through a thousand and one deaths... that will be my death too...I am here in this physical life to be happy, not to suffer... if I suffer again I rather be on a place where only hapiness is made flesh and in that place the human flesh is not allowed... This time make your final decision .Wether you come or not...I warn you , if you come back you cannot leave.If you do, I will go with you...away...to embrace death on this physical plan. This is my ultimatum to you happiness, dont you dare to put me to the test, you´ll lose. This time , you don´t have any choice:if you don´t come you don´t come, if you come and then leave, you can be sure that you will never come back for I will not be here anymore for you, I will be DEAD!
Now... it is up to you...
I am here ...and soon I will know how is it going to be. Death or life . I choose happiness if I need to be dead to have it, so be it! If I can have it living, wonderfull then ! I will know very soon how is it going to be...
One thing is sure I am grieving for the last time.
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